Don't leave me
by MixtressMuzic
Summary: AU where Anna also contracts the Spanish Flu from 2x08. Please feel free to leave a review!
1. Chapter 1

AU where Anna also contracts the Spanish Flu in 2x08. Thank you for the idea redheadinyellow from tumblr.

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Standing with the decanter while keeping a straight face was proving to be quite the challenge. My nose was most certainly a tinge of red and a headache was starting to form. My whole body felt as if I had not slept in days. Oh how I wish Molesley could have done this. At least I had Mr. Bates to think about. How would he answer my proposal? My god, how had I gathered the courage to ask _him_ I would never know. He was surprised but at least he was not offended that a woman had asked him for marriage like any other man would have been. Yes, him proposing earlier had helped but that hadn't come to fruition. God**,**was my shaking from nerves or this budding cold? I really should discreetly leave before someone from the family notices my condition. At that thought I see Lady Mary peering over at me and avert my gaze quickly and stand up straighter.

I notice the Dowager Grantham's drink needs refilling. I make my way over carefully and try to ignore the dull throbbing in my head so I can hear what Lord Grantham is saying.

"Ah, I thought Molesley had joined the temperance league." he inquired.

"I'm afraid he's been taken ill, milord. I am sorry." I explained.

"Molesley, too? Good heavens, everyone's falling like ninepins."

The conversation fades back out as the throbbing came roaring back with such intensity I swayed a little as I went back over to the side. Lavinia and Mary leave and everyone else starts to filter out. I stifle a sneeze which only makes my head hurt more. I move to help clear the table and start picking up the silverware. I am very glad that my dress billows out so no one can see my legs shaking. Turning around**,**I'm stopped immediately by Mrs. Hughes scrutinizing stare.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Hughes. Really." I say before she even has the chance to open her mouth.

I can tell that I have already lost the battle by her piercing look. She takes the few silverware I have managed to pick up and leads me from the room.

"I'll have none of that now. You go upstairs, get warm and comfortable, then I'll bring you some medicine." she ordered.

I hear Thomas's doubtful snort as she leads me from the room. I sigh and continue up the stairs slowly while Mrs. Hughes heads to the kitchens. Every step is getting harder and harder to climb as I go. I reach a landing and breath in deeply but am cut short by a horrendous coughing fit. I reach out to catch myself on the wall but find cloth and warmth instead. The coughing does not relent and my legs buckle but instead of falling I feel someone move closer and hold me tightly but tenderly. _Mr. Bates!_My coughing finally subsides and I look up at him with tired eyes. The only way to explain how he looks at me is terrified. His eyes are wide and as I reach up to touch him, I realize my hand is shaking. Suddenly I can see a fire ignite in him. He shifts so he can hold my waist in his left arm and moves much faster than usual towards the stairs.

"Mr. Bates! Won't this hurt you?" I ask but it was almost inaudible.

"That hardly matters at the moment! Not when my fiance is in this state!" he grunted as he mounted the stairs slowly but surely. I wrap my arms around his waist so he doesn't have to worry about me falling, too. I bury my head in his shoulder and breathe in his scent as much as my nose will let me and sigh with contentment.

Then I stare up at him in astonishment when it finally registers what he called me.

"John... I... I... really?" I stutter and my eyes are starting to well up.

He stares ahead with determination as he climbs the stairs but still answers me.

"Anna. I know now I could never live my life without you being a part of it everyday. And every minute if I had my way. Now since I have been able to stand under your unrelenting love and care of me you will have to let me provide the same for you from this moment on."

I nod and silently cried with joy into his jacket as he finally made it to my door. Thankfully I had left it partly open so he just had to nudge it. He limps heavily over to the bed, his cane louder on the wooden flooring, and lowered me delicately onto it. He lights the bedside candle and then drops down on his good knee. He kisses my forehead as he pulled the blanket over me. I take his face in my hands and bring him down to kiss him lovingly before having to stop to have another coughing fit. He strokes my arm worryingly and moves to get up.

"Don't leave me!" I manage to say and grab his hand. He sinks back down and holds me carefully. He startles and moves a little away from me when he hears footsteps then Mrs. Hughes voice.

"Anna! Dr. Clarkson has just arrived for her Ladyship, Lavinia, and Mr. Carson. I've brought the medicine and... " Mrs. Hughes enters and takes in the scene. Her eyes widen as she sees my face. Mr. Bates looks up at her with fearful eyes. She hands him the bowl, medicine, and extra blanket that she brought and rushes out of the room. "I'm getting Dr. Clarkson!" she calls back.

I start to cough again. Mr. Bates reaches in his pocket and hands me his handkerchief and gets up to wrap the extra blanket around me. I feel so hot but I'm still shaking.

"John, I've never been this ill before. Only when I was a child had I had anything close to this." I whispered to him quietly.

"Shh.." he puts his finger to my lips. "The doctor will let us know everything." He moves closer to me and begins talking. I lace my fingers through his.

"So after we are married, I thought we could move over to Leeds and start that little hotel we were talking about. We could have a little garden that we can tend together every spring and collect the fruits of our labor in the fall. In the hotel we could have this grand library with all our favorite books lining the wall. We'll have a fireplace and a big chair that we can both sit in so we can read together at the end of the day. And our children will have the best rooms in the entire place second only to ours." He smiles down at me lovingly.

I'm beginning to feel warm inside thinking of all these happy memories we will make. A tear rolls down my cheek but he kisses it away. He slowly gets up to get a cup for the medicine. The coughing will not let up and I feel something coming up this time. I look horrifyingly into the handkerchief when I see the blood. Just then the Doctor enters and moves over to the bed. I lean back on the pillow as the headache suddenly comes blaring back to life. I can somewhat hear John and Mrs. Hughes explaining what happened. I fall into a kind of sleep. I'm awakened shortly after from my own coughing and then retching. Mrs. Hughes brings the bowl below me and I vomit up any lunch that was left in me and blood. I can hear the doctor finally.  
"It is the Spanish Flu. I cannot do anything more. We just have to wait til morning." he says.  
I lay back onto the pillow and sob. I can feel John's hand in mine while the other strokes through my hair. I open my eyes and look into his scared ones.

"I love you, John." I try to say to him not caring about our company but it doesn't come out at all. Just me mouthing the words to him. My eyes droop shut and I fall into blackness but not before hearing John's reply.

"Anna, don't leave me... keep fighting... I love you, too."


	2. Chapter 2

This is not the last chapter guys. I've been researching the symptoms of the Spanish flu to keep this as accurate as possible. I actually got my Mum to help with the experiences as she had to face the possibilities of a life-threatening illness first-hand. But the next chapter will just come from my head. Thanks for all the reviews guys; made my day as this is the first time I'm writing for fun in years.

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My head is killing me. The ferocious pounding woke me up, but I don't have the energy to open my eyes.

_So hot! _I can't seem to move my limbs to get the unwielding, heavy weight off of me. I then feel a hand holding mine and realize that John has fallen asleep on top of me. My struggling roused him. I open my eyes with great effort and see that he is confused. It's dark but the candle is burning bright enough for me to see him clearly. I can see the exact moment he remembers where he is when he whips his head around, searching me with panic-stricken eyes.

I try to smile to stop him from worrying, but a sharp pain stabs through my head; I can't help but to shut my eyes and gasp in pain. He immediately gets up off of me and grips my hand tighter. He reaches over and puts a wet cloth on my forehead. The coolness of the cloth spreads through my body and I sigh with gratification.

"Anna... You're awake! How are you feeling? Is there anything else I can do for you?" he begged.

"I'll be fine..." I manage to croak out at barely a whisper before I start coughing again. At this, I suddenly remember what the doctor said earlier: _I might die._ A deathly cold goes up my spine and spreads through my body, bringing intense fear with it. I start shaking and silent tears run down my face.

"Oh, Anna... Anna. Don't lose hope. I'll make sure you get through th-this" he stutters and he lifts my hand up to his face, kissing every finger endearingly, then rests his cheek in my palm. I feel wetness under my hand: his tears. He's trembling. I hold back my sobs and begin to pray.

'_Dear God, please help me. I don't want to die yet. John deserves a happy life, even if he thinks he doesn't. I want to be the one to give that to him, instead of him mourning me for the rest of his days. When I see my life flash before my eyes, I want to be able to relive all the happy memories I'll make with John and our children. Not a life of service, an almost marriage, and his sad face the last thing I see. I really do not want to die yet! Please.'_

I pause and open my eyes to see John.

'_I want to live, not only for myself but also for John. He deserves more._

_In Jesus' name, Amen.'_

I begin to feel a calmness and warmth alite within me. My shaking and tears cease with a stillness that takes over as the knowledge dawns on me that I can weather this storm: _I'm no longer alone._ God, along with Mrs. Hughes, Mrs. Patmore, Lady Mary, Lady Sybil, Gwen, Jane, and above all: John; they are with me now in my time of need.

A weariness overtakes me as my head continues to throb and I shut my eyes. I wipe away John's tears, then lace my fingers through his.

"John. I need to sleep... but please... be here when I wake." I whisper to him through my labored breaths.

"No one on this earth could make me leave you, my darling." he replied.

I smile and then fall into a deep but fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Final Chapter! John and Anna's point of view is switched often in this chapter. It's separated by the lines. I want to thank phoenixfeatherquill from tumblr for taking time from her own writing to work on this with me. She's an amazing writer/editor. Enjoy!

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It has been two hours since Anna had woken me with her violent shaking. She was sweating profusely, her delicate skin turning a shade of blue as well as being cold to the touch. I had tried to wake her up but she didn't respond. I spent the first hour just holding her, trying to get her warm. When she began to cough up blood, I rushed to get Mrs. Hughes. She hurried in, took one look at me, and pointed to the door.

"Mr. Bates, you need to get some rest! You look terrible! Let me take care of her for a bit." She insisted.

"No. I'm sorry Mrs. Hughes, but I will not leave Anna now. I promised her."

She seemed taken aback by the sincerity and stubbornness in my voice.

"Mr. Bates, I know how much she means to you and how you wish to stay -" She was cut off by a moan from Anna, who curled up, clutching her stomach. Mrs. Hughes hurried over with the bowl and pulled Anna's hair back from her strained face. I turned away as I heard my precious Anna retch and whimper from her body's exertions. I sat down in the chair by her bed, buried my face in my hands and wept silently.

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I opened my eyes but could see nothing but darkness. Total and utter pitch blackness. I swear I had opened my eyes, yet I was lying flat on the ground. Where was I? For some reason, I could sit up easily. Looking far into the distance, I could make out two horizontal but slightly arced lines of light. I felt a sharp pain come from my lungs as I moved to get up but I didn't cough. I felt a dull ache throbbing at the base of my head and a stitch in my throat when I breathed. There was an odd sense of distance. Distance from what, I had no idea. I slowly stood up and looked around. Directly opposite the two slits of lights, behind me, was a pinprick of light. It was the most beautiful, brightest spot of light I had ever seen. It seemed to catch and hold my gaze, just as a bonfire would. I took a step toward it. Then another.

* * *

I leant over the bed watching Anna struggle as Mrs. Hughes did her best to take care of her. Her coughing was coming back more frequently. I glanced towards the movement at the door and was surprised at Lady Mary's silent entrance. She took her place beside Mrs. Hughes. She looked anxiously at Anna.

"I came down as soon as one of the maids let it slip that Anna was bedridden, too. I'm sorry to tell you that Lavinia has passed."

The news that someone within this house, who was not much younger than Anna, had succumbed to this sickness shook me to my core. My hand clenched around the headboard and I looked back to Anna. _I was terrified._I heard Mrs. Hughes say something to Lady Mary but I couldn't understand through my haze. Anna moaned and another coughing fit took over her. I could feel tears gathering again at my eyes, but then I felt Lady Mary's hand rest on my shoulder.

I looked up and saw that Lady Mary was also crying from the sight of her maid's condition. But Anna was more than that to her. She had been Mary's confidant, friend, and more of a sister than her actual blood relatives had been.

"I also should say that Mama has beaten this cruel ordeal. So please, Mr. Bates, do not give up hope yet." She tried to reassure me and I managed to nod. She sniffled, then turned to leave.

"Please notify me if anything happens, no matter the time." She requested.

"Of course, m'Lady." Mrs. Hughes replied.

I turned back to Anna and started praying to whatever God that would still listen to this unworthy man.

* * *

The pain throughout my body lessened the closer I got to the light. I kept walking towards it and it got bigger and brighter as I went. Then I heard a noise coming from the two lines of light behind me. I paused and looked curiously back towards them. Suddenly I felt warmth engulf my hand and a perceptible imprint, as if someone was holding my hand. I glanced at the bright light and its hypnotic effect caused me to take another step towards it, but I couldn't move any farther. Something had a considerable hold on my hand. All at once, the memories of what had happened came surging back and I reeled from the blow. _John!_

* * *

Mrs. Hughes left for a minute to get a fresh bowl and towels. I moved over to her chair and looked sadly down at Anna. Her breathing had been labored but I noticed a change. Her breath was diminishing and her body stilled. Any color left seemed to drain from her.

"Anna!" I cried out and grasped her hand. I saw her eyes shift under her eyelids then roll backwards. I gripped her icy hand with both of mine and kissed her palm.

"Anna! Can you hear me? Please... don't leave me." I sobbed and buried my face in her hand.

"John," she muttered. I whipped my head back up at the sound of Anna's almost inaudible voice. Her hand was getting warmer. I sighed with relief that she could finally hear me. I gently stroked her cheek.

"I love you, Anna. Please come back to me..."

* * *

I scrutinized the bright light I was close to, then turned and took a few tentative steps toward the two lines of light. My hand got warmer as I got closer to it, then I could feel a pleasant heat on my cheek and it slowly spread outwards. Just like when John and I first kissed. I walked faster, then I heard a voice sound loud and clear all around me. It was most definitely John. I broke out into a run towards him. He had wholeheartedly agreed to marry me! There was no way I was leaving now. I still had to live the rest of my life! I needed to make more memories with him before either of us perished. I would not let this blasted disease take that from me. He was waiting.

* * *

I held Anna's hand to my chest as I uttered everything and nothing. The color was returning to her beautiful features. Her breathing picked up. At first, I thought she was panicking or worse and stood to get Mrs. Hughes or the doctor. I inhaled sharply and stopped as I felt her hand move within mine. Her eyelids fluttered and she murmured something incomprehensible. I gathered her up in my arms and embraced her soundly.

"Oh Anna..." I sobbed into her hair. "Thank God!" I rejoiced, then pulled her back to look into her tired but dazzling eyes. I kissed her nose, each of her eyes tenderly, and finally her lips in a slow and loving caress.

"Yes, thank God." Her voice was soft and hoarse. She took my face in her hands, brushing my jaw and cheek lovingly. "And you!" She giggled softly, then brought my lips to hers. How wonderful her small giggle had sounded. I could not suppress a moan of contentment from escaping me as her soft lips sought mine. I pulled her closer to me, kissing her fervently.

* * *

I had never felt happier than this moment. I was horribly tired but I would not let him know it. He pulled back and smiled, that smile that he reserved only for me, his eyes crinkling adorably. He suddenly moved to get up and I could tell he had something on his mind.

"I'll be right back..." He kissed the back of my hand lovingly. He grabbed his cane and got up, heavily leaning on it. He slowly limped out of the room. I sighed, pulled my legs under me and sat, waiting. I could hear quick footsteps coming closer. Mrs. Hughes opened the door in such a rush it banged open, the noise making me flinch as I still had a small headache. Her anxious expression turned to relief when she saw me smile.

"Mrs. Hughes. I hope I didn't worry you -" I was interrupted by her rushing forward and embracing me, similarly to how my mother had when I left home. A tear ran down my cheek as I hugged her back. I could hear her sniffle; she pulled back and I could see tears in her eyes.

"I thought I would never see your smiling face again, Anna. If you don't mind me saying; I felt as if I was losing a daughter!" She dissolved in tears. Now there was no possible way of stopping my tears. I was so touched that she had cared about me this much.

"I'll make sure you never have to feel that afraid again, Mrs. Hughes." I cried into her shoulder. We were interrupted by the sound of John's half-step approaching.

"That reminds me, Lady Mary had stopped in earlier and asked to be notified the moment anything happened to you. She was very worried about you, too." Mrs. Hughes wiped my tears away and then got up.

"I'll go to tell her you'll be fine. But you need to rest now!" She ordered. "Don't let Mr. Bates keep you up too much longer now. I shouldn't even be letting a man on this side of the barrier. Leaving you, an unmarried woman, alone with him is hardly proper." I bristled up a bit, ready to defend his integrity, but then I saw her gentle, all-knowing smile. "I'm off to bed after I tell Lady Mary. Goodnight, Anna." she winked at me.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Hughes." I smiled as she left the room. John entered right after her. He limped towards me with a small smile on his face. I tried to scooch forward but my legs refused to move. He put his hand on my shoulder and gently settled me back. He leant down and kissed me affectionately, but pulled back much too quickly. He entwined his hand with mine then slowly lowered down onto the chair in front of my bed. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a tiny black box, then looked up at me smiling. I gasped when I realized what he was about to do. My hand flew to my mouth to suppress my sobs. He caressed my hand then took a deep breath and began talking.

"Anna Mae Smith. After today, I know I cannot spend another moment apart from you. I thought I would never experience true love. When I walked into the servants' quarters the day I arrived, I had not known I would find my soulmate. I only wish this hadn't taken me so long. I want to grow old and make many happy memories with you." He opened the box that held a simple but beautiful gold Claddagh ring. "Anna, will you marry me?"

I stifled a sob, then bent down and kissed him warmly. I let go to answer him. "Yes. Yes, I will marry you, John!" I sang. I wiped away my tears so I could see his face clearly. I needed to memorize this moment. He gradually stood up, wrapped himself around me in a warm embrace and kissed me breathlessly.

He released me eventually, but still held me up as I had melted under his loving touch. He held my left hand, took the ring out of the little box, and slipped it onto my finger with the point of the heart toward my fingertips.

"Now everyone will know you are engaged. I can rest easy, knowing this will keep Moseley away now." He grinned wickedly and I swatted at him playfully.

"Now Mr. Bates. You are and always will be the only man I will ever love!" I smiled up at him devotedly. I tried to stifle a yawn but he saw it anyway.

"Yes, Miss Smith." He grabbed my blanket and tucked me snugly in. "Now you need to get some rest before you face Lady Mary tomorrow." He chuckled, then kissed me softly. My eyes drooped shut and I couldn't help but to smile into his kiss.

"I love you, John." I whispered as he was leaving the room.

He turned around and smiled that amazing smile. "And I will always love you, Anna."

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Author note: I want to make it my goal to write more fanfics for these two, but about things that haven't been written before. So if any of you have any unique ideas, please share!


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